Mayoos Zindagi

I went to a movie yesterday and was really moved by one of the dialogues therein;it said, Jab zindagi mayoos hoti hai tabhi mehsoos hoti hai .(When the life is sad, then only you get to feel it truly). Very logical indeed. Perhaps this above line forms one of the reasons why I sit alone in the front of my laptop and type yet another piece of nonsense material. Nonsense, which could not have perhaps been felt well enough to write a blog upon, without this lonesome environment after the hectic semester we all went through. No, it's not that we were involved in too much of academic stuff this semester; we just have the habit of glossing like this at the end of every semester :))- like, - "Oh dude! shit man, they ate all of us up!" :P
So, rolling back to the theme initially raised here; what was that thing, that potentially made me go in a state of resignation in the last few months? I would quote one of those instances over here. It was around Diwali, that I lain freely at my home, being as idle as a painting on the wall, and I thought to check my IQ score.
It had been years since someone had praised my thinkability, and although I had managed to persuade my own self about my capabilities, the need for this 3-digit numerical evaluation metric struck me. :-/
143! I read the score triumphantly on the screen and passed the link of the test to two of my friends. On hearing my score, one guy said, "143? You? No. Tera nahi ho sakta itna yaar.143 matlab samajh raha hai..Top 0.5% me aa jayega"...There are generally two senses in which this sentence could mean. First- feeling surprised and delighted at the same time for the other person and admiring him how he had done far better than expected. Or, the second- He was speaking more to himself than to me, revealing himself of this unexpected incident with apprehension and disappointment.

POWER PROTOCOLS KA!!

I am an adult. I am a 20-year old grown up person and don’t know what this writing will head to or even why I started it this way.
 I know one thing. I am different, only for others, only for those who expect me to be like something they have been well-acquainted with or they think is "usually acceptable" in the virtual social protocols they have developed for themselves. 

Virtual Protocols, yes, they are virtual, because people have not been handed over by some divine power any script of the universally acclaimed and accepted protocols that would make their lives a cakewalk :))
They are, in fact, in many senses subjective and cannot be relied upon for a smooth life wherever they go. Number two, even if one thinks that we live in a society that is based on tolerance and cultured participation, I would rather want to point out that it still, is not (and will never be) any universal set of people living together, and that it’s about the size of set you choose to look upon rather than just living with your stupid protocols in your illusionary world.
For example, I would not listen to Metallica just because 4 others around me are listening to it; purchase some expensive gadgets such as apple i-Phones for no special purpose except just for its sake; or ,going on to some serious talking, even take up some career decisions by looking around the crowd and the trends around me. 
For there may be another band with even more entertaining and comforting music, as it would be felt by me. Similarly, I can  manage well in a moderately priced multimedia cellphone or maybe an iPod instead of the iPhone  :)  
And as many people would most probably (and thankfully) agree on this, some field other than that followed by the masses may be more fruitful to me. 

A Wondering Mind

A wondering mind singing a tone every day

A tone of despair, in the dark gloom of dismay,

Struggling to hold on himself with astray thoughts,

And breathing gasps of air drenched in fraught.

I look and observe only to find,

The wondering mind is nobody's but mine,

With all the negativity building inside,

I try and fail to brush these thoughts aside.

Questions unanswered, reasons unrevealed

And hoards of distress inside concealed,

Fighting with myself, and searching for perfection,

Bereft I lie, with this wondering mind in disaffection.

Then my eyes indignant, recall the time forgone,

Only to provoke, and flare the wrath thereon.

It's time to end it all, the funny flimsy excuses,

Says the forsaken heart with unhealed bruises.

One day these tears shall all refrain,

One day my thoughts won’t be this mundane

One day things will all come placidly my way

And I'll be beaming with gladness that day!